Thoughts
"Sex-Shaming" & Sexual Partners
Wednesday, November 04, 2015
"THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE A WOMAN HAS SLEPT WITH IS IN NO WAY PROPORTIONATE TO HER WORTH"
When Miley Cyrus broke free of Disney packaging and upset the world in a nude-coloured leotard, the Internet went mad with nasty comments and a chorus of slut-shaming; nobody understood what had happened to their cherished little girl but they didn't like the change because she was the polar opposite to Hannah Montana. What had happened was that Cyrus had taken control over her look, her body, and - perhaps most importantly, her sexuality.
If the formerly preened pop-princess Cyrus can take control of herself, why can't we? A few months back, I tweeted "the amount of people a woman has slept with is in no way proportionate to her worth." This tweet, in fact, does not have to relate solely to sexual partners but to the control we have over our bodies. Moreover, the tweet has resonated with me, for the most part due to some sour memories from an old relationship where my ex-partner was keen to advocate that I was a "slut" where he was a "hero." It is unsurprising that this is therefore something that makes me profoundly irate - both at him, and the state of our society which seems, ostensibly, to support some women's rights but nonetheless forcibly maintains it's rigidly heteronormative stance. He highlighted the difference in attitudes towards genders, ensuring that men maintained their crown.
Having followed Every Day Feminism's Facebook page for a little while now, they are renowned for posting, in my humble opinion, some extremely worthwhile and interesting reads. Today, they posted a video from the inspiring Justin Dennis, to whom I must credit this blog post. I've seen some of her videos before but I felt that she has some particularly poignant messages in this one regarding slut-shaming, or sex-shaming (linked below) as it's a subject which is, sadly, under-addressed, but a phrase which is unjustly and grotesquely overused.
The problem with sex-shaming, a more fluid version of "slut-shaming" as adopted from Justin Dennis's video, is that it is typically reserved for women or other gender minorities in an attempt to control their sexuality. It happens all the time, and for the most part, we don't even realise we're doing it because the idea of women possessing a more reserved sexuality than men is deeply ingrained into our culture. This stems from the expectation that women are the property of their husbands and therefore "slut-shaming happens when a person 'publicly or privately [insults] a woman because she expressed her sexuality in a way that does not confirm with patriarchal expectations for women'" (Kat, Slut Shaming vs. Rape Jokes).
Someone with whom I am completely besotted suggested that having had a number of previous sexual partners doesn't necessarily make you a "slut," but it devalues any further sexual experiences you have because later sexual partners will feel "less special." I was, naturally, extremely concerned. This is, in essence, sex-shaming in itself because the premise lies in the notion that women can no longer be chaste or pure if they have had sexual encounters with more than one person (cue Justin's insightful comparison to football). Needless to say (and without invalidating his feelings), this is far from the truth and this kind of attitude also needs to be addressed when it comes to stopping sex-shaming.
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